A third of the way into my existence in this place we call life, I found myself. Honesty can be brutal. I was for the first time, looking at who I was through other people’s eyes. I saw my mistakes, my intentional missteps, my personality and my intelligence. I saw that I was no longer a “girl” in the sense of the word relating to wisdom, but now a woman. Unsure if this was a normal “milestone” we all walk through in life, I consider myself lucky. There are so many individuals, lost or lying to themselves, about life or love or who they are. I know, I was one.
Each and every relationship flashed through my eyes, each argument, each resolution. And I found I was wavering in my own happiness, but hell bent on others. I would give my soul to see the person I thought I loved happy, only to receive what they wanted to give me in return, not what I needed. This stunned me. I had been putting my heart and soul last, giving what I thought someone else needed first, and leaving me in their dust. On this relationship merry-go-round for 20 years, it was time to step off and find myself.
I have always identified as a mother, as someone’s child, sister, aunt. Someone’s girlfriend, but never just, Kali. I felt it was time to finally work on me, let myself shine so bright the sun turned green with envy. I made a promise to myself that this would be my time, and it has been. Have I been lonely? No. Shocking as that may be, I have never been happier.
So onto the next challenge, the next chapter, the next Friday night in instead of out. I have the confidence of a God, the drive of a work horse, and the touch of a butterfly. When it’s time to identify as anything other than, Kali.. I’ll know. But until then, it’s me and my dogs times three.
Much Love ❤